Friday, 17 August 2012

Once was

Before I met David I was a completely different person. I wouldn't say I was in the wrong crowd because I loved my friends. We were just having the time of our lives. There were a few people associated with the group that probably were a bad influence but I have no regrets. However, that is no longer who I am. I can have fun without having to stay up getting drunk playing beer pong til 4 in the morning, sleeping in til 1 o'clock and starting back all over again. Walking into parties with my girlfriends like we were flipping Regina George or something. Hey that's what your early twenties are for aren't they? Probably not so much but it makes it more acceptable.

I am thankful for the experiences that I have had that have moulded me into the woman I am today. I have learnt from mistakes, and am still learning everyday. I have to admit sometimes when I go home I worry that some people that knew the prior party girl may think that that's who I am but my friend Emily says we were all at that stage, and we are all growing up.  Obviously there are a few people who will never grow up and can't let go of it. I'm not judging because if that's what makes them happy hats off to them. Myself however, have learnt to let go. I have learnt that I don't have to be where the party is. I don't have to have all the friends in the world and I'm ok with spending a Saturday night in my sweats, eating ben and jerrys out of the tub with my husband watching OC reruns. I'd rather have a ice cream induced hang over than alcohol.

Don't get me wrong. I still drink, I still go out and I still have a good time. However, my idea of a good night with drinking is more of where's the best music, where can you have a conversation and where I can be comfortable in my own skin. Wearing maybe a small boot and casual clothes instead of feeling like I need to look like I'm going to prom to fit in. Life isn't about fitting in. It's about fitting in within yourself and finding yourself. "There is only one you for all time. Fearlessly be yourself" By Anthony Rapp I actually found this quote; at a bar, on a coaster. I thought it was quite fitting and I taped it on my mirror so I would see it everyday when I get dressed. It reassures me to stick with my guns.

Each day I try and become a better human being and person. Someone who one day will be the mother that my children look up to. I want to have bonding relationships and I want to be the person who inspires people and be inspired by others.

It doesn't matter where you came from or who you once were, it's who you are now and what you strive to be.

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