If you really knew me.

Oh yes my friends. I am back. 

Long time no see. Or read I guess. 

Thought to kick start She Sailed the Sea back up we would jump on the bandwagon of the If you knew me posts that are floating around blogland. Oh didn't you know? I kind I'm not really a leader... more like a follower. If you knew me you would know that... 

So read below. 

If you knew me....

You would know that I sometimes get so worried about not living life that I don't actually.. live life.

You would know that I hate facebook. I want to delete it but I fear that everyone back home is living their lives without me and they'll forget me. Childish?Maybe. The truth? yes. 

You would know that when I was 11 and we were moving I used all the spare moving boxes to build a room sized space station, space ship and maze. You would know that I am also very claustrophobic so if I got to the very back of the space station, I would then immediately have to crawl back to where there was an opening. Once, in moving to fast I actually broke two of my fingers. 

You would know that I sucked my thumb until I was nine. You would also know that even after that I've never worn braces.

You would know that I wish I had more friends but if I feel I have to explain myself or don't connect I don't like wasting other peoples time or my own. I have a very small handful of friends who actually get me and I don't have to explain myself. True friendships mean the world to me. 

You would know that I overanalyze absolutely everything. I.e. My tone in the way I say something, I worry I come across as bossy or rude. If I say something I always think deeper than just the words, I think of all the context it could be taken and then I worry if I've offended someone or if people think I'm rude. At the end of each day my mind goes through every situation where I could have offended someone or I interrupted someone speaking.

You would know that there are moments in my life where I have been really nasty to people and I would do almost anything to go back in time and take hurtful words back. Even if time has passed, I feel some people will always remember me as the person I was at that moment in time, when I was actually just a lost soul taking it out on everyone else. For that I'm forever sorry.

You would know that my mother is my absolute hero. No explanation needed.

You would know that I have three tattoos not two. I also don't plan on stopping there. 

You would know that I have this obsession with cute old people. Especially old couples just make my heart absolutely melt. I love having little conversations with them and I love little two cents they so kindly share. I try to put them all in my pocket in case I someday do actually change the world. 

You would know that I put on a hard front when actually my feelings are easily hurt. 

You would know that I cannot indulge in foods without thinking about everything going into my body. I can't describe how much I hate it and how I strive to be carefree. I can block it out for a limited time but that voice always comes back. There once was a time were I didn't even think twice about anything.  Then out of nowhere all the things change. I pine for the way my mind USED to be. 

You would know that I'm not really sure what my life has in store for me or what I'm actually meant to be doing but as long as David is there it really doesn't matter to me. 

You would know that I am hardly ever comfortable in my own skin.

You would know that everyday David and I dream of traveling. Packing up our bags and just going. One day ey?

You would know that I can't take a compliment for the life of me. 

You would know that thrive to be organised and clean but about five minutes after a tidy clothes go flying, make up gets spilled, shoes are here and there and what do you know a tornado has passed through the house. 

You would know that I get really nostalgic. Childhood, family time, the first night I met David, the night he proposed, our wedding the list goes on and on. 

You would know that when you comment. It really does make my day. 

You would know that I can ramble on and on and on. I now think this is probably a bit long and that I should probably get going. You would know that I'll be back and that I'm determined to make this blog what I really pine for it to be. 

   Have a lovely night everyone. I've missed you I really have.